The importance of feeling connected to others is common to the findings of many studies of what helps people to survive difficult or violent childhoods. We all need caring relationships, as much as we need our basic physical needs to be met, and many of those who have survived and thrived after a challenging start say that relationships – either with one other person or with a wider community – were a help.
It’s easy to interpret this research as somehow saying that love is enough, or that we can love people to make them better. The reality of caring for children who have come from abusive or neglectful homes is much more complex. They might push back against usual boundaries or find it hard to know how to behave in response to affection. It doesn’t mean that these things are unwanted or unimportant, but to persevere with showing care in these circumstances might be hard for caregivers to do. If love isn’t enough on its own, then what else matters?
